HOW TO DINE OUT ? A USER'S GUIDE FOR THE CLUELESS ...

The perfect finish to a delicious meal. Photo by ZBM

Some people have about as much business dining out in restaurants as?Tara Reid?has being cast in a?Shakespearean play on?Broadway.

Hopefully, the latter will never happen, but there are thousands of patrons out there that don?t have a clue about how a restaurant works.

These are the same people that don?t?understand why their flight was canceled during a blizzard.

Luckily for you, my job is to educate and enlighten the masses. And I am confident by the time you finish?reading this post, you will be ready to tackle any culinary experience. Now this is not a complete list, but?seven basic guidelines to follow the next time you sit down to dinner:

1) If you?re?not?ready to order, and that includes everyone in your party, don?t call the waiter over. You?re server?has more important things to do than to listen to you weight your lofty decision of whether or not you should get the Cobb Salad or the New York Strip Steak?

2) Don?t recreate the menu. I know you?re a?whiz?in your own kitchen. That you can boil water and pop frozen?dinners into the microwave with one hand tied behind your back, but there may be the slightest chance that the?chef that created the menu (keyword in the sentence ?created?) just might know a little bit more about cuisine?than you.

3) Don?t go to an expensive restaurant, and order a soup or salad as an entree. These are?appetizers, not?main courses, and if you cannot afford a full meal, then go to a restaurant that won?t blow your budget. Trust?me, there are plenty of them. ?Where do you think I eat?

4) If you?re?unhappy?about you table, the price of a mixed drink or the sound of the drunk guys bellowing?laughter at the table next to you. Don?t take it out on your waiter?s tip. Even most kitchen mistakes are beyond?your server?s control. Likewise if the food is taking a long time, it?s usually not your waiter?s fault. And by the?way, the kitchen staff could careless if you stiff the waiter.

5) Since we?re talking about?tipping. Gratuity should be based on how your server handled your table. From?the first greeting, to the delivery of drinks, to answering all your stupid questions (Can I have the cucumber?salad without cucumbers?), to recommending dishes, and finally dropping the check in a timely fashion. And?when a waiter goes above and beyond, it?s a complete insult to tip below twenty percent.

For instance, it?s your friend?s birthday, so you pull the server to the side and request something special. At the?end of the meal your server gathers up all the other waiters (who are busy with their own tables), puts a candle?in a piece of cake and they present the dessert to your friend with an enthusiastic ?Happy Birthday song? Any?tip under 20% is an?insult, yet it happens all the time.

6) Don?t set up camp. Staying longer than an two hours in any restaurant especially a busy one, is just rude.?Unless of course, your party is more than six people. Then it is perfectly acceptable to stay for three hours, but?not four and certainly not five. This is a business, not your living room.

7) Finally for all of you ?regulars? out there. If you are demanding, require excessive attention or speak to your?waiter in the same manner that you would command a dog, let me give it to you straight -

The Entire Staff Hates You!

Those smiles are fake and let me assure you that they are cursing your name behind your back from the?moment you enter until the moment you leave.

Bon Appetit!

Reprinted from www.richardlivsey.com

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Source: http://www.mentalswag.com/2012/02/20/how-to-dine-out-a-users-guide-for-the-clueless/

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